Yesterday, I had an earth shattering conversation with my friend. I mean, as in mentally earth shattering…as far as phone conversations go.
We talk almost every day and our conversations always start out with a hesitative, “how are you doing??” Hesitative because we know its not going very well for either of us. She has had a couple really hard years and she is currently summing up something she’s been working her tail feathers off for– and after much twisting and turning, it doesn’t appear that it will end well–even after all her blood, sweat, and tears, it doesn’t look like it will end well at all. She’s pushing forward, nonetheless, but still. Its been really hard.
After our initial prelude of sorting through each other’s issues; what she’s dealing with and my mice and other personal issues, the conversation began to take a turn. I’m not even sure how it started. We each had a horrible story to share from last week: her, a woman she knew suddenly becoming “mother” to her daughter’s very young children after being killed in a car crash, and me, a girl in my neighborhood who is nearly 7-months pregnant suffering from a brain aneurism last week. We talked about how horrible it was and how hard all that must be for their families to deal with. And then, one of us said something like: we’d better get ourselves together here or we’re going to totally miss this whole segment of our lives.
Our energy kept elevating and elevating until it became one simultaneous bitch slap: You don’t have it that bad, and neither do I!! Ya, the ends aren’t quite meeting up yet and we’ve got mice and horrible people to deal with right now, but it ain’t no brain aneurism!
We’ve vowed personal goals to each other. We’ve fully embraced the things we CAN and canNOT change. We don’t exactly have ends in sight, but we do have plans to make the ends come at some point.
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Everybody’s gotten dealt a crappy hand at one point or another. I’ve read enough emails in the last month to know that at some point everybody’s got to deal with their own crappy hand. My friend and I are currently playing ours. But we just turned our games from War into Go Flippin’ Fish.
Today I cannot change that Vera’s nighttime sleep is completely jacked and she thinks her new wake up time is 5am. I cannot change that I have mice. I have 5.3 million traps set. This is all I can do right now. Moving is not an option. I cannot change the mice. I cannot change some circumstances that I desperately want changed like yesterday. BUT these things will all come together. Right now they are loose ends flapping in a gully washer of a wind, but at some point the wind will calm and the loose ends with gradually form themselves into a nice little bow and I’ll look at it like, “you are an ass of a bow, but I didn’t let you break me.”
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Today I CAN refill my coffee and start checking off my to do list before I leave tomorrow. This I do have control over.
If I have to play the “Fake It Till I Make It” game for a while longer until things sort out, that’s what I’m going to do. Because the last thing I want is to look back and say, “well wasn’t that a shame that I wasted all that time.”
Just in time, I sense a shift in the current. Not because anything changed. Just me. I’m gonna run with that.
Thankful for today:
1. accepting the things I cannot change
2. changing what I can change
3. and wisdom to know the difference
4. I’m healthy
5. my kids are healthy
6. I have coffee
7. think-a-like friends
8. Jillian Michaels
9. sore muscles
10. a shift in the current
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