Page 20// Missing Right Now
This weekend is opening pheasant season in my home town. It might not mean anything to anyone else in the country, but there? There its like a national holiday. Before we moved, this was always an annual event: the boys hunting, the girls making yummy things in the kitchen, drinking way too much coffee and going to the Arts Fair.
I remember last year on this weekend, spending it alone with Sophie while the boys were camping. All my family was gathered back home and it made me feel so lonely. Not a lot has changed this year…at least I wasn’t alone this weekend. But still it evokes all these memories that I miss. Like:
my mom’s coffee cup in the microwave because she forgets it in there 14 times a day
chili and rice at the end of the day
catching up with old friends in town for the festivities
brisk Fall weather
all the guys in their orange
how everyone in my family is all talking at the same time and nobody’s really listening
the kids playing with all my old toys
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We’ll be going back in a little over a week. It will be fun…there will be some of these things ^^^ But its different. It weird living away now because when we go back it feels so much the same, but yet this big wedge of different that I know can’t ever be the same. I talked to my cousin that lives far away and she said it like this: I feel sad when I’m away, but when I’m here I feel glad I made the decision to move. I feel like that too. I know it will never be the same, but being so far is really hard. Now with four kids, not having my mom nearby is a difficult thing. Plus I feel like no one knows Vera…this all weighs on me. Where is the happy medium distance?
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Thankful for today:
1. impromptu pumpkin carving parties on the lawn in our neighborhood
2. the sun in my windows
3. emails that bless
4. an $8 fur coat at Goodwill…just cause
5. Sophie’s old clothes that fit Vera now
6. that baby, saving my over emotional Mom-hormones as Sophie loses her THIRD tooth
7. Noah working hard on Scout project
8. supplies bought for costume making today
9. another Eleanor quote in my “Daily Quote” today
10. quiet mornings
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Just wanted to give you some virtual hugs….I understand what you feel. I live 10 hours away from my hometown and my family. It's hard! I have five kids and homeschool and there are so many days that I wish my Mom was closer because it's really hard doing this on my own. Yes, I have made friends where we live but I still long for the friendships of my childhood.
This time of year is also tough because I miss going to my hometown's apple festival with it's tiny parade. I miss pumpkin picking and fall craft fairs with my Mom and Grandma. I miss Thanksgiving dinner with my family. I miss taking a walk in the first snow with my Mom. Of course, I am trying to build my own such traditions with my children and husband but it's still a lump in the back of my throat some days.
So, hugs to you. It's not always easy but it's not always hard. 🙂
Not having a mom close…I know the feeling. She doesn't know my daughter. ��
It's a tough place to be, for sure. The family you grew up with far from the family you are making with your hubs and babes. After 12 years of living in the Midwest, I still long for the friends, memories and family of the West coast.
Blessings sweet one,
Your Lord hears your heart cry and KNOWS!
xox
Susan
@SugarBeans.org
Sure can't wait to see you, Alicia!
so happy you get another trip home soon to see your people! i have a feeling i'll feel exactly like you when we move. missing the people, yet happy to be in a different place. i think about when we have a 3rd (Lord willing) and get sad that my mom won't know them well. thanks for sharing your heart vulnerably. xoxo.