On our way to Awana last night Sophie was practicing her scripture. Over and over she’s repeating: “For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles are just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. James 2:10”
After about 15 times, she asks me, “mommy, is this really true?”
I know what she’s thinking because I’m thinking the same thing: it sounds harsh. So I look up the scripture at home and read more of the passage. James Chapter 2 ends with something about acting like a person that will be judged by the law and if you show no mercy you’ll receive no mercy and how mercy triumphs over judgment.
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I didn’t know how to answer her question. How do I say that God, who loves us, is that harsh on the people he loves. I think this is a hard concept for a child…or an adult really. It sounds like something that could be taken way to the next level and create something judgmental or legalistic.
I sort of just said something like, “Everybody sins…we just need to ask for forgiveness.”
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I haven’t been reading my bible hardly at all. I’m in a really raw and honest place with God, not seeking answers and trying trying trying to figure this all out. I don’t even know if he answers questions like that. I’m just sort of being. More than clawing at the banks to stop and figure out the course, I’m letting the current take me. I’ve tried too long and too hard to figure out the why’s or the what-should-we-do-next’s. Its exhausting and nothing produces. There are no answers. Scriptures like this one above are hard for me to swallow. I wish she hadn’t had this one to memorize. Right now, my kids need to know how much God loves us. I don’t want them to be confused about him. I want them to cling to the fact that he loves us deeply, that’s it. That’s all they need right now…and you know what, that’s all I need too. All I want them to know is that God loves us and we’ll be in a less stressful, happier situation in life someday. All the other: praying about what steps to do next, praying for what lessons we should be learning…these are things I will not talk about with my kids. Because the answers may not come for months and months. We may never figure out the whys. Let’s not confuse things.
God is love. He loves me. Spiritually speaking, this is my only focus.
Thankful for today:
1. Vera didn’t wake up at 5am like she has the last three days in a row!!!
2. coffee with a friend yesterday
3. how my German friend calls my girls “Schatz” my treasure…it is the sweetest
4. Halloween party planning
5. quiet nights
6. watching Vera fall asleep
7. finding Jack brushing Sophie’s hair
8. God loves me.
9. crisp Fall walks
10. washing the kids’ hair in the sink…like a mini spa
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