I’ve been comparing myself lately to a person I feel like I used to be two years ago. I know that really that its not completely true, but a lot of days it feels like I’ve lost that old me. The old me with a regular schedule, a daily run, a bi-monthly cleaning lady, kids in music lessons, connections, drop-by friends, a backyard, and most of all regularity and routine. I was looking for a certain project and I happened upon Kelle Hampton’s blog, which I read regularly anyway. But what caught my eye the other day is how much she reminds me of me. She loves to be a mom, she embraces each season, she loves life, she throws parties, and pours everything she’s got into her babies. Its not that I don’t really do those things anymore…its just that when I do, since we’ve moved, it feels like something is missing. Like its just not as good anymore. Like there’s just a slice of sad mixed in. Maybe its the family that’s missing from the gatherings. Maybe it just feels different because I don’t know where half my stuff is, so our house doesn’t feel like it did…the regular memory-evoking decorations are buried somewhere in a box. But maybe things would feel different regardless of where we were just because my kids are older. I don’t know. But if I’m being honest, I feel like a piece of me is missing…and I so much want it back.
Yesterday, with just three kids because Jack and Jarrod are camping, we got groceries, did chores together, made molasses cookies, talked about Halloween costumes. All those regular things. But yet, something’s missing. I can’t quite pinpoint it but there’s a miss somewhere.
These are the things that are eating me up right now. I don’t want to over think things, but I don’t want to disregard how I feel either.
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Thankful for today:
1. quiet Sunday mornings
2. sleeping in today
3. making pancakes for my kids
4. Noah and Sophie getting time together
5. cheap pumpkins at Aldi
6. You’ve Got Mail…every single fall
7. fall smells: pumpkin, cinnamon
8. handwritten notes
9. recorded thoughts
10. dollar bills with glitter from the Tooth Fairy
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