Page 11// Last August
It isn’t the easiest thing making new friends in a place where you don’t know a single soul. Also the thing about friends for me is, I don’t have a whole lot of extra curricular time, so the friends I do have I want real friendships. I just don’t have a lot of time for surface in my life right now.
Not knowing a single soul is intimidating. It gets to you. I hadn’t thought about friends much before we moved. Homeschool moms don’t have a whole lot of extra time for friend things anyway. I remember that feeling of being the only person in the world when we pulled into town two years ago. After the excitement of getting there and our long drive, there were so many emotions anyway…but that feeling of complete anonymity was the worst.
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Jarrod and I both know and appreciate how rare it is to become close friends, especially fast close friends. Becoming really close to another family here almost immediately was such a blessing to us.
We recently pinpointed where we think things started to feel out of control. Last August seems to be the culprit. There was so much big change and upheaval; a trip home evoking all sorts of emotions, I turned 30, the big shocker of Ms. Vera, Jarrod’s boss at the time, who he loved, moved, and the kicker: our best friends in Asheville moved.
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Vera was a game changer. A plus sign on a stick meant so much more than its simplicity showed. I had just come from a trip of being showered with love and comfort from my family and then I was back where almost no one knew me and some of the only people that did were moving. Finding out I was pregnant, I felt like one of those billboards: Pregnant? Alone? Yep. Yep. Even now, I feel the difference between having babies where I know everyone to having a baby where I know no one. Obviously, Jarrod, but still…I wanted my mom, my aunts, my sister, my old friends…someone. A feeling crept in that I still haven’t been able to define: sad? alone? What is the word for “wanting one’s family and friends in a life-changing situation?” Still, even now, things are better but I can’t put my finger on that emotion. I’m so glad that my mom was here for the month of April. It was the most up and down we have ever ever been emotionally as a family, but her being here softened the blows.
With our friends, unfortunately, geography and circumstances have come between us. Losing them was one of the losses we’ve grieved. Life and its twists wrenched its way between us and things with us are strained, which makes us all sad. I have hope that when our life seems less upheaved, maybe that friendship won’t have the stigmas it does now. Time heals most things and I have high hopes that this falls in the category of mosts.
Things like this make me feel more seasoned, like I’ve lived through some things. We had an amazing summer last year: beach trips, getaways, loads of activities, concerts, impromptu barbeques and it all seemed to crash at the very end but even so, we have great memories and great stories. That is forever. Life can be so unkind, especially if we think about it too much. Very rarely do we get any answers from overanalyzing anyway. All we can do is forge ahead.
Thankful for today:
1. 3/4 of my kids who get themselves ready for the day
2. cards in the mail
3. planning reunions with old friends in South Dakota
4. finding the best fall leaves for projects
5. long naps meaning lists checked off plus….
6. afternoon coffee
7. kids that do chores without asking
8. Friday night plans
9. being too cozy to get up early
10. deep friendship
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Girl, this one really spoke to my heart. I struggle with the friendship thing too. My time is pulled in so many directions, that the time I invest in friendships needs to be with real ones. I so get this! I admire your strength through this season of your life, and pray that it will all unfold beautifully in the end. xo
This feeling is all too familiar to me. I have moved to a place I knew not a soul, 4 times.
Since I have been a mother, I have never had family close by, I have had to start over from scratch and make new friends and be the kids aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents. It is EXHAUSTING!
I was just telling Jeff the other day, homeschooling wouldn't be so draining if family lived near. You could send the kids off with the grandparents to visit a museum, or learn how to bake with grandma. You would get more
breaks, more time to regroup.
I wonder if you noticed that too, since moving away from family.
Our closest friends just moved away and it was really hard, I had never been in this position, where someone moved away from me, we were always the movers. It is hard.
"May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, and enough hope to bring you joy." Anonymous
What I'm about to say sounds so simple. I almost hate to say it because I don't want to sound trite. Hardship is well, HARD. I hate that you're in the middle of a long, hard season. There's nothing worse than feeling alone, like you're on the outside looking on the inside of your life.
BUT, it's normal. I remember going through a LOT of crap in my 30's and being a little shell shocked that I was having to go through some of it.
*miscarriage*loss of a home to a sewage explosion*long and emotional international adoption*move to orlando away from my family*HARD season in our marriage*loss of a friendship*a move back to Georgia that included new friends, new job, living in 2 rental houses before buying our house…all in a 9 month period* and then right before I kissed my 30's goodbye, I lost my hearing in my right ear and an ENT told me he was 95% certain I had a brain tumor.
THAT was a crap ton of fun said no one EVER.
Here's what you're doing a really good job at in this season that not all people can do well….
You're letting yourself experience it and feel it and live it.
That's a BIG deal, friend.
You're self aware and honest and transparent.
Something supernatural happens in us when we are honest about the state of our hearts.
You'll wake up one day, and you won't be exactly where you're at right now. The cloud will lift.
Until then, praying strength for you and praying that you experience his grace and his presence something fierce.
You areso right…Overanalyzing really doesn't help, does it?
Still, I'm beyond guilty of that one!
This too shall pass…You tired of hearing that one yet? 😉
Oh do I know the feeling of moving and not knowing anyone. And being a home school mom, also, I know how hard it is to find time to form true friendships. I'm thankful for my closest friend here even though both of our lives are too crazy to see each other very often other than after church. Hang in there.
This post makes me sad 🙁 and it makes me miss you guys, as if I didn't already! When you get back here we BETTER meet up for coffee!
I remember moving and being all by myself many years ago, it can be really intimidating and lonely. I had to learn to put myself out there more and that brought new friends and a new life that is wonderful. God Bless, Stick close to each other and plan fun things with your family. It will help. Hugs, Marty