Some days are just hard. Being a mom is hard. I started thinking about all the things we do and all the teeny decisions we make and how its no wonder we collapse at the end of the day and fall asleep in our clothes or try to savor the last quiet moments of it with Häagen-Dazs and Call the Midwife. On the contrary though, the more I thought about this yesterday, the more I thought: nobody needs another post about how hard being a mom is. I’ve read them I’ve written them. And sometimes it just feels good to vent and get it all out there. But also, I think there’s strength in realizing that everybody’s job is dang hard. Rewarding? Oh, yes. Heaps of rewards. But definitely not easy. (side note: I spell definitely wrong every. single. time. Don’t know what it is about that word. Thank God for autocorrect.)
I woke up yesterday with a lot on my mind. Just things that we all have; decisions to make, things to get done, issues to deal with. These thoughts hit me before I lifted my head off the pillow and I was all, “how am I going to do this day with all this on my mind?” It took a while before realization struck, but I trudged through passing out pumpkin spice bread breakfasts, a chapter of The Jungle Book, and a half a cup of coffee and I knew I wasn’t shaking it, wasn’t snapping back into Monday’s routine.
Here’s the realization though: everybody goes to work, y’all. They might wear scrubs, or a tie, or a red shirt with khakis, or a pair of sweats, but we all have a job to do. Calling what I do a “job” doesn’t mean for a second that I don’t love it. I love my line of work. Nothing else can offer me reading history books, drinking coffee, kissing baby cheeks, and loads of creativity outlets quite like this job does. True, there’s not a check out time and there’s plenty of high demands and the pay is not quite to the level of my work load, but the job satisfaction makes up for what the pay and long hours lack. There’s no difference between people like me and people working at the bank teller like when it comes to waking up with a lot on their mind. We all have difficult jobs and we all have issues and problems to deal with, but we can’t let it effect our work and our life’s calling. There’s a time and a place for sorting through those things but usually before we can sort through, there needs to be some filing to be done.
After a slow, begrudged read aloud about seals and survival, I knew my files were all strewn about and if I didn’t get them in order, my lack of production was going to get me written up. Promptly arm-sweeping all those loose papers into a file for later, we started out fresh with a trip to Dunkin’ because sometimes a trip to the break room is what you need for a do-over, ya know? Even if the do-over is at 9am. The file was retrieved later and discussed over a phone call when little ears weren’t around and then again when they were in bed, more appropriate times when things could be sorted out without a small audience, not necessarily because these files were so horrible, but nonetheless they interfered with my work, my job, my life’s calling and I won’t let a little messy filing ruin a day of production.
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Production like catching Sister Friend stand for a full minute with no help. (no photo…I was gasping for air.)
Production like tiny conversations about the secrets of MineCraft.
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Production like serious talks about being kind to people even when you don’t want to.
Production like meeting eyes with my baseball player in the batter’s box at his first game of the season, making sure I was watching.
It might not be monetary incentive, but that is certainly some pretty amazing job satisfaction right there. Not everyday is great, but everyday is definitely good. Find it. File the rubbish away for later and find some flippin’ donuts, brave ones.