Sometimes if I pause long enough to think about everything that’s happened these last 9 months I want to tear my hair out at all the frustrations and difficulties we’ve had to deal with. Other times I’m thankful, now that it seems like we’re through the muck of it, and I can see (I think) where God was leading or what He was teaching.
I’m glad about that…what He’s taught, how our marriage has been strengthened, how our kids have learned about the world and how God provides what we need just when we need it.
I think about the last nine months…how we thought Asheville was not on our radar anymore, how we’ve searched out there for the next thing, how Jarrod and I have disagreed where that next thing is supposed to be, how we’ve fought about it, how his and my waves of emotions continued to crash against each other. We wanted different things. I had had such feelings of anger at him for wanting what he wanted and I know he was so frustrated with me, although his feeling are never quite as rampant as mine. We were on completely different pages…completely different books. Completely different genres of books if you want to get technical. It happened gradually and I can’t really put my finger on it really, but sometime in February I felt a tilt and a shift. I think it may have happened whilst staring into the deep blue eyes of a certain (then) 4-year-old. I knew that really we both had to let go…that things would be the way things would be and we just had to both be open for anything.
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That was February. Fast forward numerous opportunities, confusions, and ups and downs later til four weeks ago. The string of events were both devastating and eye-opening, saving and just what we needed:
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Our April consisted of…..
A job offer
a weekend of house shopping a state away
the perfect house in a sleepy town
a week of planning and relief
a phone call
some shady business dealings
a let down.
A huge let down.
An awkward “hello” to Granny at the airport
a weekend of hell…wondering, freaking out, feeling totally screwed over…being completely screwed over.
A week of going through the motions.
another weekend of house shopping here in Asheville
a purchase agreement.
A relief. A huge relief.
A realization that God was at work the whole time, making the pieces shift and click just so.
Labor pains on a Sunday afternoon
a beautiful delivery
a beautiful girl.
A week of staring, gushing, reliving, praising, loving, adoring, excitement.
A rush of relief and overwhelming emotions.
We didn’t know what we were getting into a year and a half ago. I don’t know if we ever really know anything about anything. We thought Asheville was going to be very temporary…a stepping–stone of sorts. But we’re here. And we’re happy. We have a house…a house that (God-willing) we’ll be moving into late June. I’ve watched my husband go through a hell of a lot these past months and past weeks especially. I’ve admired him for being strong…keeping on moving forward. I had to put aside my own discomforts of extreme pregnancy and center my attention on him and my kids while we sorted through the mess. We’ve learned a lot the hard way, but there’s no regrets…nothing we’d have done differently really. Life is in the learning and that’s ok with us.
So we’re staying in Asheville for now. We finally feel like we can put some roots down and enjoy life rather than wait for it to happen. Its a big relief and a big answer, even though it was a lot more round-about than we’d have preferred…its an answer. Our life has been way more drama-full than I can ever remember…we bought a house and had a baby on the same day for crying out loud! To get technical, we “bought” two houses in two different states in a three-week span. We had a job and lost a job in seven days, losing it 10 minutes before we picked up Grandma Kelly from the airport to be exact. Drama. But as much drama as these last months entailed and despite the tears and stress…we are in awe of how its all turned out, seemingly better than we’d ever expected….an answer, although crazily delivered, an answer. And and answer is always a good thing.