Emerging

Hi, I’m Alicia and I used to blog.

I’ve been gone for weeks. It felt weird, but it was needed. I received emails and texts and comments from a lot of you and I just want to say “thank you.” So, thank you. It really meant so much.

I’d like to say it’s just been busy, or I’ve been doing projects, or something fun…it’s not been really like that. I got nailed with influenza right on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day was the worst. No one else got it thankfully, but let’s just be honest.  That mama is needed on those big days and it just was kind of sad for all of us.

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Other than that ickiness, we’ve been trying to make some hondo decisions and it’s been tricky. We don’t know what’s right or wrong.  We both have strong opinions and that’s been tricky too. We both want the other one to be happy, but our happy’s don’t line up just so.  Tricky.

We’re in a testing and trying period. I don’t like this period. Not one bit. Really I should be praying and asking for wisdom and clarity, but prayer is not coming easily. It’s stuck in my throat. I’m questioning a lot. Things that I always thought were so clear are not seeming so anymore. Things I don’t want to get into here. I’m wondering if our perceptions were always skewed.

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BUT, and here’s the good parts, I know a few things for sure: I have a husband that loves me. A lot. He doesn’t believe in the whole idea of “letting the man make all the biggie decisions all on his lonesome” as much as I don’t and we’re working together.  I know that in the end things will connect and we’ll look back at this and be glad it’s over. 
I have a little cauliflower head-sized Spring Chick growing everyday and kicking my bladder with a vengeance, letting me know he/she is there and healthy.
I have a trio of little babes nuzzling my belly, endlessly kissing it, and talking to it constantly. I consider us a family of 6 already and I cannot wait til it’s official. My kids are amazing to this baby already. It’s going to be so good.
I have friends and family that love me and tell me so and pray for me when I can’t.  I love that and I need it.

So that’s what’s up right now. It’s hard for me to play the vague card, but I have to guard myself from saying too much. Sometimes I do that.

It feels good to type again. Thanks for coming back and checking in.

xo,
{alicia}

33 Comments

  1. loved hearing from your heart this morning.
    love your transparency and honesty about where you guys are at…i know how to pray for you.

    "our happy's don't line up" ….there isn't a couple on earth that hasn't been there.

    praying for lined up hearts…grateful you guys work together on those biggie decisions….makes for a beautiful partnership and adds so much to your sacred covenant.

    xoxo

  3. hey lady 🙂 so good to hear from you. so sorry you got so sick…man, christmas without a functioning mama is rough for everyone! and i'll be praying for you during this period. i appreciated your list of the "good parts". i rarely take the time to really focus on those and writing them down is powerful. hope you're getting rest. look forward to checking in again. 🙂

  6. Hi, I'm Tricia and used to blog too 😉 I guess I'm just not really feeling it lately either. I'm so sorry to read that you're going through a rough time. I hope you and your family find your happy place soon. xo

  7. It's so good to hear from you! I am super happy that the pregnancy is going well, because you know, that may or may not have crossed my mind…
    I'll be praying for y'all and your decision making.
    Elise

  9. Sorry to hear of difficult times. I'm thinking positive, peaceful thoughts for you and your family. I miss chatting with you at ballet, what a fun time that weekly slot was, seems so long ago 🙂

  12. Alicia, so glad that
    the baby and the
    rest of y'all are now
    healthy. Ugh, the flu
    is no fun at all ~ I've
    had two runs at it already
    in 2013!

    Really, if you have your
    health, the rest of it will
    fall into place.

    Sending you a big 'ol hug.

    xo Suzanne

  14. I will pray for you and for clarity for you and your husband as you make these decisions.

    I hope you are getting the rest you need. I am not trying to sound all mama-ish, just I know stress can prevent rest and I hope you are getting the rest you need.

  15. It's good to read your words again. And thank you for replying to my message. Sorry you were ill over Christmas (I know what that's like, I had it too). Wishing you a peaceful, happy and joyous 2013. More hugs from England x

  16. I feel weird saying I was a concerned being that we don't know each other but I was. I've been praying for you that everything was okay and that there wasn't a REALLLLY serious reason you weren't blogging. (not that I'm saying what is going on in your life isn't serious, I don't mean that.) Glad to hear that little babe is growing and healthy. Hope things line up again soon. 🙂

  19. Hi sweets. I've been missing ya but you already knew that.

    I get it… Deep things… deep questions. I keep thinking we made a mistake and that's why we're in a mess now… I look back and wonder if we thought we were hearing God and somehow stepped outside of His plan, yada, yada, yada. It sucks. Don't know if you're feeling that way at all… but the little you wrote sounded vaguely familiar. Ugh.

  20. It is SO good to hear you again! Welcome back! Glad you were able to take a break and are on the mend. That makes me so sad that you were sick on Christmas. 🙁 I'm so sorry to hear that.

    Prayers are sometimes best expressed with words unspoken and ears wide open. Romans 8:26 comes to mind. I'm praying for you, dear one! God must have some extraordinary things in store for you and your sweet family. 🙂

    Hang in there, friend!

    -Rachel @ A Cupcake for Moose

  22. So happy to see you are ok. The testing times in life are so very hard. Just hang on to the hope that it always has worked out in the past and will again.:) so hard to feel that though when you get buried in stress. Will keep you in my prayers.

  24. Reading your post made my day! I have so missed you in the blogging world! I've been praying for you and I just know everything will turn out fine, it always does, it's just hard to see clearly sometimes.

  25. I just thought of you yesterday and was hoping all was well. We have a God big enough to handle our doubts and our questioning. He'll still be there when you're ready. And He doesn't love you any less for it. I'll be praying for you and the Lord's provision and wisdom.

    and random? i was just looking up Ann of GG quotes before i came here. 🙂 That's what you need! an anne of gg movie marathon 😉

  26. Oh I am so glad to 'hear' from you! I was starting to worry that something seriously wrong had happened. Glad you are back and I will be praying for you, I know we don't know the details but HE does and has it all under His loving control.
    Much love, Kathy

  28. Alicia…I know the feeling all too well. I am working slowly towards coming back, but I think sometimes we need a break. A refocus. Time. It's good to hear you are well and we are praying for you!!

  30. Alicia, I'm so happy I saw this post because you were on my heart this morning. I hadn't heard from you in a while, and I've been a terrible bloggy friend. In the past six months we've lost both of Trip's parents, I was coming down with pneumonia at Trip's mother's memorial service (around Thanksgiving) then right after New Year's I came home from Mexico with diverticulitis. Very painful, and I've had natural childbirth with back labor.

    We're also contemplating homescholing our youngest (in 9th grade).

    So I can understand about your being in the midst of a difficult season. But God loves us, and we can't do anything to change that (thankfully). Give it all over to him, and even if your circumstances don't change the way you want them to, He will change you and your ability to cope.

    Take care!

    Love in Him,
    RJ

  31. well, even though i have no idea what's going on in your life, i'll be praying for you.

    i've not been blogging either because our life has just really just been way too stressful and some really majorly bad things have happened. it just sucks all the joy out, you know?

    hang in there alicia, you are one smart cookie and i'm sure you and jarrod will make the best decision for your family.

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