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PURISTS ARE CRANKY (and OTHER REASONS TO STAY OPEN-MINDED IN YOUR HOMESCHOOL)

We all know them. You know who I’m talking about. Those folks in your homeschool group that are so pure and rigid you’re afraid you’ll say something wrong around them. Textbooks are bad! Copywork is done daily! History is taught in chronological order only! My kids would never read that!! Purist homeschool philosophers at their finest.

I run from these people.Homeschool purists can put themselves in a box. Seeing things in such harsh black and white can take away the beautiful colors that homeschooling gives you. Here's why purists are cranky...and why I don't want to be cranky.

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All the messages I took in when we started homeschooling nine years ago were overwhelming. I spoke to some homeschool moms that were so staunch and strict about what homeschooling method they were using that I began to think there was ONE way to do it–only. I was convinced that I needed to pick one way to do things, stick with it forever, follow the method exactly, or fail.

  • Charlotte Mason
  • Unschooling
  • Classical
  • Traditional
  • Waldorf
  • or any other teaching theory you can think of…

Pick one.

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After you’ve signed your life away to just ONE of these theories of teaching the real fun begins. But if you allowed twaddle, textbooks, computers or anything other than Latin under certain sets of rules, you were sure to be ostracized for life.  Or hide certain “secrets” from certain groups of people. Follow the rules. Teach the way the method tells you.

But wait, this makes me feel stuck and stifled. And cranky.

Purists are cranky and I don’t want to be cranky.

Purists feel so strongly about their own way of doing things, it’s all so black and white, that they come across as judgmental about any other way of homeschooling. They can also scare the daylights out of new homeschoolers. Ask me how I know.

The thing is, there are so many great ways to homeschool. No one certain way ensures the perfect education.

How to Not be a Purist Homeschooler

Are you scaring new homeschool moms? Have you become so attached to your favorite homeschooling method that you can only see things in black and white? The right way and the wrong way. 

This can be dangerous.

Why?

When we view our homeschool in such tunneled vision we can easily miss things. There’s a possibility our child’s learning style requires something different. Your kids’ interests might overstep the parameters of your favorite method. It could be that a certain method just doesn’t work with your family’s style of living. Maybe the method you’ve chosen is more about you than your family.

The times we’ve been most unhappy in our homeschool life is when I’ve tried to force us to be something we’re not. Most of the time that has come from me wanting to be like a certain group or individual I admired–self-imposed homeschool mom peer pressure. 242

Click to Tweet: The times we’ve been most unhappy in our homeschool life is when I’ve tried to force us to be something we’re not. Most of the time that has come from me wanting to be like a certain group or individual I admired–self-imposed homeschool mom peer pressure.

 

Break the Rules

Lean in and let me tell you a little secret….

….there are no rules. 

Besides the legal stipulations that your state has set before you, you can do whatever you want to do. This should be completely freeing and liberating! Use that freedom to BE YOU! Let your family learn the way that works for them! You can still call yourself a Charlotte Mason-inspired homeschooler and have Diary of the Wimpy Kid on your bookshelves. A plastic toy on your living room floor is not going to conjure Rudolf Steiner to come haunt you for your Waldorf sins. No one from the “Society of Unschoolers” is going to egg your house if you buy a workbook on Amazon.

Pick and choose things you love from all these amazing educational philosophies. Choose the things that make your family thrive.

Let your 8-year-old daughter do copywork from her Tinkerbell book. Such twaddle. 😉 

Skip medieval history this year, even though its the next thing in the cycle, because your kids are obsessed with the Civil War right now.

Pull out a science textbook if your unit studies aren’t working–even if they took you hours to plan.

Be open to change, because life is a long, beautiful series of changes and seasons.

Don’t miss the beauty of the personal uniqueness of homeschooling. We are all so incredibly, wonderfully different. Don’t follow a set of rules (made by someone that doesn’t know you) so strictly that your kids are miserable and people hide from you at co-op. We can make our own rules! And they can change as needed! Isn’t that awesome!?

Go fourth and be you, not your homeschool philosophy.

{EDITED TO SAY:} Thank you for all your comments on this post. I wanted to clarify some things. A purist, by definition, is someone who views something very strictly or insists on a purism of style, etc. There is nothing wrong with getting behind a style of education. Of course not! But the trouble comes when we follow something so strictly that we can’t see any other way of doing things–and then we push those strong feelings on others. I completely agree with some of the commenters–purism can be brought about by fear in many cases. We all want the magic formula! Do this and the outcome will be this lovely thing. I wish that were true.

 

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8 Comments

  1. There are many within the homeschooling community who look down their noses at you if you don’t do things a certain way. We’ve been homeschooling almost 20 years and trust me it happens. I have noticed this trend in homeschooling as more people leave public school but don’t necessarily know how to school outside that paradigm. I mean how could you possibly be giving them an academically rigorous education if you don’t use Abeka and Saxon?! *gasp*. I don’t think this post was meant that way in the least, rather as a reminder to step back and breathe and remember that homeschooling is meant to be tailored to you family and your kiddos needs. There is NO magic bullet or “right” curriculum for everyone. There’s just. not. Maybe take a step back and reconsider. No one was shunning you or anyone else if you are stricter it’s just a reminder that you don’t HAVE to be to succeed. . 🙂

  2. Yes, yes, yes! I was so blessed to start out our homeschool journey with people who weren’t so uptight and have been able to do so myself but I absolutely agree with you. I have seen this so often in many groups we’ve been in the FEAR takes over. (I’m not prefect we all have those days when we wonder if we’re warping our kids for life). The issue I have is so often people don’t listen when you say it’s going to be okay, just BREATHE! 🙂

  3. I absolutely love your thoughts here, friend. Thank you for your insight. Fear is most definitely a driving factor in many cases, I am sure! We all want to have a magic formula, right?! Of course we do! Thank you for your comment. I truly love your input, always.

  4. So true, Kendra. We all want a magic formula don’t we? I totally agree–fear drives many. I’ve been there too, just in other aspects of life. Thank you for sharing! 🙂

  5. Recovering cranky homeschooler, 19 years in. Lynna is right on the money: “We do it out of fear. We’re just plain terrified that we are going to totally mess this all up. And so, we are on the (actually endless) search for the “one right answer”. If we think we’ve found it, but you’re doing things differently, you mess with our peace, because if you’re OK and I’m OK, how can I be sure that my kids are going to turn out perfect?”

    Ah yes. We shift hope to homeschooling. Then we shift hope to homeschooling methods. Then we shift hope to homeschooling curriculum. Then something happens – slightly different learner, special needs child, unexpected life upheaval – and we’re reminded why we should never say never and never say always . . . and our we are reminded that our hope is in Jesus.

    I love this post and shared it with our listeners. Thanks, Alicia.

  6. I appreciate the point that you’re trying to make in the post. We should feel free to tailor our children’s education to their needs, interests and styles. That’s a big reason why we homeschool, right? However, it seems as if you’re saying that if someone adheres strictly to a certain method, that their opinions and experiences are invalid. I don’t believe this is true at all. I know homeschoolers that are pretty strict with their method because that’s what works for them, and I think that should be celebrated, not shunned. We can all learn so much from each other. I’ve never felt judged by anyone whose methods are more strict than mine. I think we are all genuinely trying to do our best and we’re all excited to share our ideas…no matter the method. I honestly believe that if someone is feeling intimidated by how others do things, that’s more on them than on those who are sharing things with them.

  7. True and good stuff and I don’t want to pull back on a single thing you’ve said here – especially the part about there being no rules and being willing to change and adapt! As a recovering purist, I just want to add (which I’m sure you already know) that (most of us, at least) don’t do it to be mean and bossy. We do it out of fear. We’re just plain terrified that we are going to totally mess this all up. And so, we are on the (actually endless) search for the “one right answer”. If we think we’ve found it, but you’re doing things differently, you mess with our peace, because if you’re OK and I’m OK, how can I be sure that my kids are going to turn out perfect? If my method isn’t the silver bullet, what do I have to hope in?!? (Speaking from a former mentality, not my current perspective.) Sometimes the biggest lesson is in being OK with messing up. A lot. And being forced to accept that it’s really God, not Charlotte Mason, who makes all things beautiful in his time. Great post, friend!

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