October 5, 2012//
Our 10 year anniversary. I’m not sure why anniversaries ending in 5’s and 0’s feel like they need to be ultra special, but they do. And we had high hopes that our 10th would be something amazing…like a vacation or at the very least, a long weekend somewhere really special.
As fate would have it, when the day finally arrived, Jarrod was in Virginia at a job interview. In the beginning stages of repeated empty promises, the deal still sounds sweet and you just do it because you so want what they’re promising. We decided that we’d make the 6th special instead that year.
Instead of celebrating our 10 years in Savannah, Jarrod drove home alone and watched the car in front of him crash into the median. When he got out to help them, their car ignited into flames and he watched three 20-somethings burn to death.
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This day, our day, feels somewhat tainted because of that. Like it holds a certain sadness that veins not just to our anniversary but to so many other special days over the last 365 that were stripped from us because of one kind of sadness or another; Christmas, birthdays, Easter…each day supposed to be special, overshadowed somehow.
October 5, 2013//
My heart is heavy today. The stress of this year has beaten us up. He deals with it his way, and I with mine. As with all the ebbs and flows in life, marriage is no different. We are flowing, but its not without bruises. Our marriage is certainly being tested. My friend reminded me how much Satan observes the stresses of our lives and would love nothing more than to come between us, especially right now when hardships have made the emotions run so rampant anyway. Although I’m struggling with spiritual things these days, I know she’s right. We are an easy target. But if I’m anything, I am stubborn-and I will stubbornly love through the crappy hand we’ve been dealt right now.
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Tonight we will leave the kids with a sitter and have a quiet dinner alone. Its not the 180* I was hoping for after last year’s disastrous turnout, but it is another year to celebrate still. Our 180* is coming, I think its just turning very slowly.
Thankful for today:
1. anniversary flowers on my table
2. friends with fabulous accents
3. waking up at 5:34 on a Saturday: quiet house, quiet mind
4. time to journal
5. hope in 180’s
6. Miranda, the amazing babysitter that made dating possible again
7. mouse droppings that have forced me to unturn every thing in my house and make it clean again
8. friends that get it
9. wounds that remind us to be thankful
10. 11 years
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