Page 5// 11 Years

October 5, 2012//
Our 10 year anniversary.  I’m not sure why anniversaries ending in 5’s and 0’s feel like they need to be ultra special, but they do.  And we had high hopes that our 10th would be something amazing…like a vacation or at the very least, a long weekend somewhere really special. 

As fate would have it, when the day finally arrived, Jarrod was in Virginia at a job interview.  In the beginning stages of repeated empty promises, the deal still sounds sweet and you just do it because you so want what they’re promising.  We decided that we’d make the 6th special instead that year. 

Instead of celebrating our 10 years in Savannah, Jarrod drove home alone and watched the car in front of him crash into the median.  When he got out to help them, their car ignited into flames and he watched three 20-somethings burn to death.

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This day, our day, feels somewhat tainted because of that.  Like it holds a certain sadness that veins not just to our anniversary but to so many other special days over the last 365 that were stripped from us because of one kind of sadness or another; Christmas, birthdays, Easter…each day supposed to be special, overshadowed somehow.

October 5, 2013//
My heart is heavy today.  The stress of this year has beaten us up.  He deals with it his way, and I with mine.  As with all the ebbs and flows in life, marriage is no different. We are flowing, but its not without bruises.  Our marriage is certainly being tested.  My friend reminded me how much Satan observes the stresses of our lives and would love nothing more than to come between us, especially right now when hardships have made the emotions run so rampant anyway.  Although I’m struggling with spiritual things these days, I know she’s right.  We are an easy target.  But if I’m anything, I am stubborn-and I will stubbornly love through the crappy hand we’ve been dealt right now.

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Tonight we will leave the kids with a sitter and have a quiet dinner alone.  Its not the 180* I was hoping for after last year’s disastrous turnout, but it is another year to celebrate still.  Our 180* is coming, I think its just turning very slowly. 

Thankful for today:
1. anniversary flowers on my table
2. friends with fabulous accents
3. waking up at 5:34 on a Saturday: quiet house, quiet mind
4. time to journal
5. hope in 180’s
6. Miranda, the amazing babysitter that made dating possible again
7. mouse droppings that have forced me to unturn every thing in my house and make it clean again
8. friends that get it
9. wounds that remind us to be thankful
10. 11 years


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  1. quite an amazing post. you are right…we are at year 23, and there most definitely are ebbs and flows, droughts and tsunamis. hold on. tightly. a good one is worth it, and it's the fighting through the struggles that creates the bonds. xo

  2. so thankful for friends who get you.
    those friends are total God-sends.

    and thankful for your 11 years…thankful you're a fighter and that you'll fight through the crap that life hands you in this season.

  3. you and me? we're in a very similar season of life.

    i can see glimpses of where our family might be on the path to some 'mountain-top' highs after some deep valley lows, for sure.

    we're definitely still in the 'foothills', but sister, let HOPE reign in your heart and keep opening your heart to the one who made it, the only one who can satisfy each and every longing. the only one who can give you supernatural strength and wisdom

    some encouragement …


  4. I tried to post yesterday, but operator error I guess.

    I wish that we were still close in proximity and friendship. I hate that our name is tangled in the web of misfortune throughout last year. I feel like that taints any fun experiences we had together. I hate that.

    I want you to know that while our relationship has changed I still think of your sweet family often. I pray that your 180 is just around the corner and is filled with blessings you never imagined possible.

    Happy Anniversary!

  5. I'm kind of new to your blog but I am very much appreciating your posts lately. There's something very healing about writing down our struggles, our victories, our dreams. And the healing doesn't just stop with those who hold the pencils and pens.

    Keep on keepin' on, for the glory that is set before us. God is good.

  6. "…stripped from us because of one kind of sadness or another; Christmas, birthdays, Easter…each day supposed to be special, overshadowed somehow." I VERY much understand! & I'm so happy to hear that you are stubborn! It's just a season of life, it will pass.

  7. Happy Anniversary! We just celebrated our 9th. ๐Ÿ™‚ Hope you have a wonderfully restful weekend. Praying for you……

  8. Your friend is right about Satan. Hang in there and pray. Satan hates pray and it is a good way to push him away. Enjoy your night out alone. And just hang in there, all of this WILL make you stronger.

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