A week before Christmas, I had started forming mental goals for the new year. I always do this. Physical/Spiritual/Home/School/Projects/Vacations; it's all planned out. I love making goals. I love having a word for the year.
Last year my word was breathe and I loved that. But last year was different than this year.
About one day before Christmas it hit me: there was no way I was emotionally ready to make a bunch of goals for myself. I felt slightly like a cheater not even setting one goal besides writing out some books I wanted to read. I didn't even want a word. I feel like the last three months have lent enough change. Even one more resolution maaaaay have just put me over the edge.
I still feel really fragile. Like I'm not quite myself yet. Not having my own house, not being familiar with anything, having new everything, even a new dialect has been a tough adjustment. Much harder on me then anyone else. That was unexpected. Even being super prepared (or so I thought) and excited for our new adventure didn't cover the stress that's been involved in this move. It's getting better everyday though. There's so much about this new place that I love...it's just different and change is hard...hence the no goal thing.
BUT for as hard as I had my heels dug in the dirt about not working and changing on myself right now, sometime in mid-January I heard a little word being whispered to me.......
focus. focus. focus. focus. focus. focus. focus. focus. focus.
And you know what?? He's totally right. It hit me so hard: Just take this limbo time to focus on the two things you're responsible for right now: family and self. self and family.
Now, each of those two things have many subcategories, but it's still something to focus on.
As a total sidenote, I am finding myself talking like them, y'all. I'm being serious here. All the Southerners draw out their vowels, especially their o's and i's "ah". You know what I mean. I sometimes try to do it when I'm alone with my kids but guess what, now it's kinda sorta sticking. Like I've joked around so much, I'm almost being converted. So when you read the word "focus" a million times in this post, just join in my addiction and hooold that "o" out...like (l"ah"ke) "foooocus." Oh, I so wish I could just read this post to you. It would make you laugh. Foooocus.
Let's move on.
I realized that's all I can do right now; FOCUS.
Because I honestly don't know when we'll be buying a house and I honestly don't know what our future holds, but I do know I have three babies that need me to feed them, love them, educate them and I have a husband that needs that too...minus the education. And then there's me. And I need my things, like my business and blogging. I have NO other obligations and I am seriously going to relish in this time.
No, I don't love renting. BUT this townhouse is spacious enough, new, safe, and perfectly convenient for us. We don't have to mow. If there's a leak, it's not our issue. It's not old and beautiful like my old house, but that's part of the adventure right?? I'm choosing to embrace instead of resist, which is so. not. my. natural. tendency. MMMMMkkkk??
That day mid-January, I seriously felt the Lord just telling me to let go of all the unknowns and F.O.C.U.S. on what's in front of me. I know, without a doubt, that He will take care of the rest.
So guess what?? I have a word...it's FOCUS.
And guess what? I'm totally doing it, y'all.