not so deep, not so dark

Hi.
I'm back.
I'm trying to form together groups of words in my head to express just how thankful I am for you these last few days. Even before I finished proof reading my post on Friday to see if it made any sense at all, God started blessing me. My friend, Carissa, came to the door at 9am bearing pumpkin scones...blessing? I dare say, yes!
I was in a funk and needed some phone freedom, so I stuck it in a drawer in the kitchen. But as we did school I could hear the *ding*ding*ding* and I knew you were forming a group huddle to help me out. I saved those emails for later...
Later brought a lifesaving text from Carissa, who had just read my post and wondered if she could take my kids for a few hours so I could decompress a bit. Could you?? Ummm, yes!
I spent a few hours alone going for a run in the park on gorgeous trails with the gorgeous(?) squirrels, browsing at the fabric store, picking up a few groceries alone, and making dinner for Jarrod and I to eat...alone. Before he got home though, I sat down with my Chai Tea Latte from Starbucks and savored...and I mean savored, each and every one of your comments, emails, texts, facebook messages. I honestly cannot recall a single day I've been blessed by friends so much in one day.

I couldn't help but bawl over your
encouragement
advice
suggestions
support
personal stories
personal struggles
and love.
I just kept thinking to myself how deeply loved I felt and feel still.

Your words have stuck with me. They're printed out now and stuck in my journal for safe keeping. I plan to read and reread your encouragement when and if I slip back into dark and twistiness.

You
gave me permission to slack on school this month
take naps when I need them
give myself a break
told me my kids were brilliant :)
told me how you've gotten through transitions that were difficult
gave me scriptures and quotes
{Amy}, you offered to take my kids for the afternoon if you didn't live 1,000 miles away and Carissa beat you to it, but I love that you would have...I know you're super sweet like that
Amy G., you serenaded me, which is so you and I love it
Glenda, you let me know that how I feel is so normal...and I loved that. It's good to know when everything feels so NOT normal
Alexis, you mentioned getting it out there is part of the battle which was so true! I felt better almost immediately after hitting "publish"
and
Cindy, you compared my situation to having a new baby in the house and how it changes everything...when you said that it was like a light switch went on. How I feel right now IS a lot how I felt when I had my babies and life just seems so out of whack and "normal" days and schedules and regular seems SO far away....

But I know something else about having babies and the changes it makes in your home....
It's never really the same, but it does eventually get better. It does. I know this. I've had three children...I know.

So I just want to say thank you thank you...so much. I've cried at my computer, in the shower, making my bed, eating lunch over your words and how loved you make me feel. I feel like we just had a pow-wow with 50+ women in my living room, lifting me up...helping me get on my feet and move on.

Thank you again...you have no idea what you did for me this weekend.

Much love,
{alicia}

PS: my bible luckily did not blow up today...