if mama ain't happy

I try to make my blog a happy place, so I haven't felt like sharing before now, but I have a confession to make...

I'm not really that "into" Christmas this year.

The winter blues have hit me early this year and it's been  really hard for me to get in the mood.

I feel so bad because my kids are so excited, and I'm just, well...not.

Lately I've just been crabby, irritated, weepy, and cranky.

Jarrod said to me last week,

"what's into you this year? you're usually dancing around, hanging lights all over the place right now."

I know.  I'm kind of a downer right now.

BUT...

I had a little revelation last week.  Last week Tuesday to be exact.

It had been a really hard day...you know the scene...

too much to do,

too little time,

kids too much to handle at the moment.

Mommy dearest, pulling her hair out...

In a moment of clarity amidst the chaos, I had a thought.

I noticed Jack's little face looking at me. Watching me.

And I remembered the phrase, you know the one...

"if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."

And that was it.  I realized right then that as a mom, as annoying as it may be, I have the "power" to change the mood in my house.

It can be annoying because sometimes as moms, we have very valid reasons to be crabby and cranky and darn it, just let us be!! Right?

But I knew that I've been mopey and my kids can totally sense it...and I didn't want my mood to affect "the most wonderful time of the year."  Especially for my kids.

So that afternoon, I decided to turn off the #$%^# switch, take off my crabby pants, whatever you want to call it and do a turn around.

I turned off the phone, parked my kids in front of a Christmas movie, and had a little date with God.  I prayed for guidance, wisdom, for Him to fill me up with His spirit so much so that I wouldn't have room left in me to be ugly.

I prayed for a Word.  I good one.

And He led me to many.
I found myself reading tons of Psalms...clinging to the words...repeating them over to myself again and again.

I realized that I have been neglecting myself in certain areas, like exercise.
I've known for a long time about myself that running is my Prozac and I can't survive long without it.  I've been really lacking in that area and I got on the treadmill that very afternoon.

And it felt so good.

I know as mamas, it's so hard to put a happy face on.  But sometimes we just have to.  Not just for our kids, but for ourselves too.

My date with God that afternoon helped me so much, but I'm still fighting the Debbie Downer syndrome.  I am constantly reminding myself of the Words He showed me that day.

I hear Him saying,
"Don't forget, Alicia. And not just for you. Cause if you're not happy, nobody is."

So if any of you are having a blue Christmas, I feel your pain, sister.

I'm looking forward to this week.  Of course there's lots to do, but it doesn't have to be a panic-fest.

Slow down.

Enjoy this time.

Set the tone in your home, sweet mama...and I will too.

Have a great week!

xo

{alicia}